my problem with modern day internet culture (day in the life)

When I was younger, I used to notice behaviors in the kids around me. Some kids were smarter or dumber than me, some kids were more outgoing or extroverted than me. But one thing I noticed is some kids loved attention. They would love to put on an act or feel like a presenter non-stop. “Eyes on me!” they always unconsciously echoed to the crowds of children and adults alike.

I felt disdain when I watched others with this persona. I felt like the most “just” way of getting attention was to truly EARN it.

If I was on the playground with you, I didn’t want to tell you to watch me go down the slide. I wanted you to watch me go down the slide because you thought it took a certain amount of skill, or you wanted to learn from me, or you wanted to be my friend. Often times I felt like I was punished or labeled as needy or cringe if I promoted myself with what activity I was doing unnecessarily. Additionally, I’d receive feedback from adults as a child for proficiency in my activity - rather than simply displaying my activities in the first place.

Years later, I find this phenomenon persists to this day - and perhaps to my dismay, I observe this behavior of attention-seeking is REWARDED more than ever in the landscape of social media. Let me preface by saying that I do believe there still exists talent, art, information, and people who are definitely worth our attention and time through their proficiencies. Though there’s clearly a marketing team behind Miyazaki, there’s no denying the artistic skill that is required to exhibit a Studio Ghibli film.

What I’ve found instead is the gravitation (myself included!) of watching and being entertained by somebody who simply does the work of documenting their life rather than create a piece with succinct attention and wit.

The advent of social media has began to show the possibility of a light on anyone and everyone, and as such, there exists a stage in which we can show those in an infinite number of positions. The material scientist, the carpenter, perhaps even someone “learning to draw” can now fixate the moments in which are engaging and interesting in a 30 second reel to showcase their life with our attention to it.

We have began romanticizing and glorifying the mundanity of life through a “picture-perfect” lens of short-form media and content. The fascinating part of this is from a pragmatic standpoint it is the most optimal opportunity to take. If you were the material scientist, the carpenter, the person “learning to draw” - why not take the time to record yourself and edit together pieces of your life to share to the world? You’re not only receiving validation for your actions and getting advice from strangers on the internet but growing an audience, gaining a “status” of followers, and potentially making money while doing so.

So the question I do ask myself is - is this bad? Why do I loathe an influencer bragging about their gym progress, but still find myself observing a progression in someone’s life as something that CAN be entertaining? Is it just from my past experiences in life in which I’ve learned that being abundant in my “want” for attention can lead to punishment is a faulty way of thinking, and I should let go of this notion entirely? Am I just too self-conscious in a way that others aren’t?

But as I’ve pondered more, I think I realize why part of it feels… wrong. It’s that:

You can trade your privacy and intimacy for monetary and clout incentive.

For some, this seems like a reasonable deal. I offer my face and record myself doing whatever I’d normally be doing, I feel some connection from others that otherwise maybe didn’t exist - and so I’m happy to take this agreement.

However, I’d wager it weighs heavy on most people to feel like they need to document their lives for this tradeoff. If you recognize that your daily routine of making a banana smoothie and brushing your hair can be something profitable, then you may recognize that ANY given opportunity can be an lead to an outcome of gain. As such, you may feel like you’re not quite “living in the moment”, or engaging in your life in a meaningful way, but rather considering how these actions can benefit you to feed your persona, brand, or lifestyle.

I don’t want to sound like I’m on a high horse here, because that isn’t my intention. In fact these are the kinds of issues that even I struggle with at times. “How am I going to make this profitable? Can I optimize these moments in my life in a more bountiful way?” And on a more personal note, I feel like in some ways I shoot myself in the foot for just.. Being me. For not being as extroverted, for not telling MY story and instead only consuming others, for being a person who wants to put meaningful effort into my activities and life for me and not for others, and for not SHARING more even when I don’t want to.

I feel as though we’ve created an ecosystem online that creates expectations and an additional vacuum in which we will desire external validation and it’s unlikely to reach a level that we’re completely satisfied with. We’re trapped with FOMO for others and for our own potentialities. We’ve seen that we can live vicariously through others lives, and if we see that they can do it, we wonder why we can’t and feel shame or guilt about not making more of our time. The priority of privacy or of a quiet life comes at a heavy cost.

Ultimately, the current existing paradigm feels like we don’t let the “work” show, we show ourselves foremost. When the internet was younger, we felt a certain personalization and expression when we created something on the internet that was authentic because we never thought or wanted to make money off of it. Now Pandora’s box has opened and you can’t help but consider your audience and profits. To optimize, scale your audience, referral links, paid personal advertising, retention. It’s felt like a corporatization of the individual. And make sure to not swear too much in your Tiktok videos, or - lord forbid - you mention topics like suicide without masking it under the term “unalive.”

The default sentiment of the modern day creator is to take the Faustian agreement. I doubt this will change anytime soon. I’ll just simply shake my head at how we’ve shifted into such a society.

Until soon,

hawnz